Monday, September 17, 2012

The Fall

Without much thought, I used to believe that the best times you one was in love, he or she would be able to identify an exact moment when they "fell" in love. A less romantic story would tell of falling in love over some period of time for whatever reason. I have now abandoned the idea that it is even possible to fall in love in a moment, but there are certainly moments along the way. My new timeline is as follows:
     First: There is a moment that you never realize at the time, and that, only looking back after having fallen in love do you come to see. You also never notice it unless you do go on to fall in love, so we probably have these moments with plenty of people who never get close to a relationship with us. This is the gateway moment, the moment that connects you in some way deeply enough to open the door to falling in love. This time it was a fluke, a moment of vulnerability I should never have seen, but I did.
     Second: This door is opened and is followed by an unconscious wander down a fairly circuitous route. The whole point is you don't know it's happening, but things are quietly changing. The second you consciously realize it, you've hit stage three.
     Third: This is when you know in your own mind that you are in love (and, as I have mentioned in previous posts, I believe in love is a mutual state, so there is some level of understanding at this point that the other party feels similarly, sometimes communicated, but usually just mystically known). I think a lot of people spend a long time on this step, I, however, am not one of them.
     Fourth: Perhaps the most intimidating part of the process, telling to other person. It is a pretty self-explanatory step, you do it or you don't. I don't think much of trying to wait for a right moment. I think a lot of people do this because they don't think they are sure of their feelings, but love has always (and I hope always will be for me) very concrete. I am in love with a person or I am not; it isn't something you question, it's just something you intrinsically know. I certainly have been at junctures where I was in love with someone and didn't want to be, but that is an entirely different issue.
So here, now, I know that gateway moment for me, that let me be open to falling in love with this person, and I know when I told them. I forget, however, the moment I knew I was in love and that makes me sad, but perhaps I'll remember. 

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