Saturday, April 23, 2011

The End of the Beginning

Tuesday will begin my last 20 days of high school. I think I'm supposed to feel something about that – excited, terrified – but no, nothing. And I don't mean I feel indifferent, I just entirely lack a feeling. I want to be excited, I just can't muster the feeling. I committed to American University Thursday night. Everyone is very excited. I'm pleased; I truly love the school. 
This is a bit of a recurring issue in my life. I never am as excited as I think I should be. I watch my peers and their families react to college acceptances and I think I ought to be as thrilled as they are, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, I'm ready. However, I'm not quite as happy. 
I'm also getting tired of people saying they "been there" or that I "think that now" because, honestly, I don't much care if I'm wrong, but I want to figure that out on my own. Only so much of what you must learn you can be taught, the rest you have to fall on you face and cry a little for. 
In nine days I start AP tests. In 23, I finish them. Also in 23 days, I will attend prom with a boy (currently undecided). In 40 days, I will graduate from Governor Thomas Johnson High School after 12 years in the Frederick County Public School System. In four months, I will move into my dorm in Letts Hall in D.C. In three years, I will graduate from American University and then God only knows what.