Things a Weekend in Fredericksburg Taught Me

I like to sleep more than is natural, or probably healthy.
I lied ever time I said I had found the most confortable bed in the world.
I have absolutely zero ability to relate to a 13-year-old boy.
I wish I was more of a hipster.
I can totally write a ten-page paper in 24 hours.
My phone is crazy.
Bashing professors with other professors is exactly as satisfying as one might expect.
I should never be a commuter.

But a really lovely weekend.

Ho Hey

So I found this new song a week or two ago. I'm madly madly in love with musicality of it, but it also happens to have some pretty intense romantic lyrics. I sent a link to my boyfriend, because I legitimately thought he' enjoy the music. To his credit, he hasn't mentioned the potentially more committed than we are just yet (I'll love you till the end of forever-esque). I find myself listening to and totally serious and that scares the crap out of me. On the other hand this is the best another human being has ever been to me, and I hope that that is as reciprocal as I want to make sure it is.

Ho, hey, I belong with you, you belong with me, you're me sweetheart.

It's a good song, check it out. 

I Won't Cross These Streets Until You Hold My Hand

When I was in sixth grade I quit my position as head safety patrol guard at my school. I had been on safety patrol for two years, getting younger students successfully to their parents in the carpool lane outside the building. I was a damn good safety patrol for a 10-year-old and thus, got "promoted" to head safety patrol. Childhood me was incredibly pleased with the recognition for my good performance in that organization and I worked hard at it. I created a schedule, acquired an equipment closet, and got us new "uniforms" (aka: reflective belts). However, people quickly began to not show up when I scheduled the, fail to wear their uniforms, be rude to parents, and a variety of other issues. At that moment, I learned I can never be anyone's boss. I got chastised whenever some other lowly patrol would break the rules, even if I had not done anything, often without me having any knowledge of the incident at all. So, I quit. I didn't want to be in charge of other people, especially people that were being less mature and responsible than I thought I was being. I have successfully avoided management positions since then (except editor of The TJ Chronicle, but then I had a teacher to enforce my rulings). Now, I am in the position, not of being responsible for 24 other individuals, per se, but having 24 other individuals relying on me. I took this position and didn't really expect to get texts at two in the morning about a paper due the next day (largely because I never used my predecessor in the same way). I'm not saying I don't love my job. It is rewarding and I get to go on tons of adventures I never would otherwise (and it pays well), but I do come across moments I did not expect. I don't want to hold their hands any more than I wanted to help patrols guide people across the streets. 

Hide and Go Seek

One of my best friends has this theory that the people you are supposed to find the universe will give you many opportunities to get to. He developed this plan when he was dating a girl he could have met through church or a summer camp or their parents working together. I have long been a casual believer in this small-world theory and on more than one occasion I've found people who became important in my life that I could have found in other places if I'd been looking. I didn't really subscribe to a notion that the only people who become important in my life are people I could have come across in a variety of ways, particularly not now that I've left my insular childhood spending 17 years in the same town. Now? Not so sure. In pure, crazy, poor decision-making, college student style, I'm taking a road trip this weekend to visit a high school friend, who happens to be friends at college with one of my college friend's high school friends. Happens to be one of the most important people in my life right now. Huh, maybe the universe knows more about what's going on than me, fancy that.

No Regrets

I was talking to a friend yesterday about not wanting to let go of the things that make you who you are. I don't know that you can forget the things that shaped you. Sure, you can forget the details of the moments of the tings that were part of the experiences that created the person you are today, but, overall it got you somewhere and that isn't changing. I operate under a strong "no regrets" policy, right up there with the "anything once" policy. No regrets doesn't mean I don't know that I've made mistakes (I've made plenty), but it means that I like where I am (very, very much, at the moment). In an entirely butterfly effect-y kind of way, I couldn't be exactly where I am if everything that happened hadn't happened exactly as it did. In and interview with Lady Gaga, she said that "Judas" was founded on this exact idea. "I'm in love with Judas." I'm in love with the mistakes because they got me where I am. She said you have to love that Judas betrayed Jesus because, without that, he couldn't have become a savior. Yes, sometimes things suck; yes, sometimes we'd prefer not to remember them; but yes, they change us. "Who can say if I've been changed for the better, but, because I knew you, I have been changed fr good."

More Falling

It strikes me now that I have written two posts in my time writing titled "The Fall." The first referring to a fall from grace, and the second to falling in love (and the second is titled that largely because that is the favorite movie of the person I'm currently in love with). It was just odd to me how juxtaposed those two thoughts were, and that subconsciously I reference them in the same way.  

"Available" Gender

My professor  in History of the LGBT Movement mentioned in passing last week that it was unfortunate that everyone in our society has to chose from the two "available" genders: male and female. I definitively believe that there are not just two genders, although I also dislike the theorists that assert other numbers as well. As far as I'm concerned gender is infinite because it is endlessly self-defined. Gender is, for me, something I have never had to question; woman was always a quite comfortable title. However, I can definitely identify both masculine and feminine traits in myself if I want to. The business of any one person or group of people or institution telling people what their gender can be, or, what genders are "available" is ludicrous. Does this mean that, depending on the institution you are working under your gender could feasibly change (outside of the realm of gender being fluid, as in, you could feel exactly the same and yet be labeled something different depending on where you are)? Whatever your personal feelings about your won gender, who the hell does it hurt to let everyone identify in a way that makes them comfortable? If it isn't available, create it!